InactiveFebruary 12, 2015 at 4:14 pm
I have had sex a lot. I want to honor God, but am having a hard time.I know sin is sin, but I also know emotionally as a woman I am allowing little pieces of me to be taken away. I don’t want to marry just to have sex, but just saying that Jesus is enough or let the Lord be your lover is not practical. Is there any practical advice out there.February 25, 2015 at 12:28 am
I agree! We’ve all struggled with physical desires. It used to drive me crazy when I would discuss this with one of my married friends and they would get that little twinkle in their eye and quip, “Well, you know, God is your husband.” As sweet as that sounds, (and yes, there is truth to that statement) it’s just really not helpful when struggling with temptation. (Since then, I’ve cut them a little slack. I know that since they’re married, they don’t remember the weaknesses they had as a single.)
But the issue at hand is not how to stop sinning sexually, the issue is how to change your focus. God is not dwelling on your sin, he is dwelling on your future. And he wants YOU to properly visualize your future so that your actions put you on the path to God’s best. You said it correctly when you said you are giving away little pieces of yourself when you have sex. Sex outside of marriage wounds us, gives us trust issues and weakens us. But God-honoring sex within marriage makes us whole. It brings healing, trust and oneness. And you know what? That’s what God wants for you! He wants you to experience the promise land and the milk and honey of marriage. And he has a plan to get you there!
Now, does this plan include you spending some time in the desert? Yes. God heals us much like the professionals do at a rehab center for addicts. He removes our drug from us. Sex is a very powerful force and as long as we can have it regularly, we can get our “fix.” But getting our “fix” is a big problem. It creates a pattern of using sex only for selfish gratification. Just as a smoker can smoke a cigarette, toss it aside then grab for the next one, we can train our minds and heart to do the same thing with people. And having that mindset in a marriage is devastating. It is what leads to emotional coldness and affairs.
So God wants to change your patterns, your brain waves and your heart attitude about sex. This is because he wants to get you ready to experience the REAL thing. In order to do that, you are going to have to submit yourself to God’s healing process. It may feel like deprivation, but he is looking at the end result. Have you ever seen a beautiful, plush countryside enjoying a gentle rain? In the bible that’s a picture of God’s blessings. God wants to put you in a beautiful marriage in which he rains down blessings continually and makes your life fruitful.
So the question now is directed back to you? What do YOU want? More of the same? More pieces of you distributed to men who will forget you in a few months? Or do you want healing, forgiveness, wholeness and a REAL future. If you answered the latter, I can tell you how to get that. It’s real easy! Just confess your sins, and place your weaknesses and your future in God’s hands. It doesn’t mean that you’ll lead a perfect life now, but as long as your view is on Jesus and HIS desire to bless you with GOOD things, the old things will start to fade and he will renew your mind and put you on the right path.InactiveMay 20, 2015 at 4:15 am
I have a suggestion that helps me:
Rather than thinking that sex is bad or a sin, or that you have to somehow become non-sexual because you’re currently in a spiritual relationship instead of a physical one, think of yourself as remaining faithful to your husband. I don’t mean waiting for marriage, or waiting for A husband, but waiting for YOUR husband – the one who, from God’s perspective is already yours. Sex with him isn’t forbidden. And it will be so much sweeter than any affair when you are finally united after the long wait – like a soldier coming home after a long deployment.
If you believe your future husband is real (and he is), then ask yourself, “If I were married to this man right now and he had to go away for a while, how long would I wait before I finally gave into my need for sex and cheated on him?” I bet you’ll surprise yourself with your answer. I bet the answer is that if you knew this man’s heart was yours, if you knew he loved and cherished you, if you knew for SURE that he would return… You would wait indefinitely.
You would find a way to refocus and take care of yourself until your husband returned. (Meanwhile, this will also make you less attracted to the schmucks who are happy to service you, but are definitely NOT your loving, sweet husband.)
You husband is on his way home to you – his wife. Meanwhile every time that hunger stirs within you, just think of it as keeping the fire burning until your man comes home – and, oh boy will you pounce on him when he finally shows up! If you think of it that way, you will probably smile instead of feeling neglected.
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