Resources for Single Christians

Six Ways to Stay on Your Own, Unique Journey to a Relationship

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I used to sell jewelry for a popular chain of jewelry stores. I especially loved selling wedding sets. I always asked the beaming couple how they how met and I enjoyed hearing them recount their unique journey to finding each other. After eight years in the jewelry business, I can tell you that I never heard the same story twice. That’s because every person is uniquely designed and every connection is a part of God’s universal plan which is creative and limitless. So I can safely tell you that your love story will be like no one else’.

It’s important for you to know this because we can all find ourselves trying to find the missing link to why we haven’t met someone yet. Our friends are more than willing to tell us how to crack the code by advising us as to how they did it. If we’re not careful, we’ll follow their path instead of the path God wants us to follow. No one is going to have the answer to how you will meet your future spouse, not even your best friend. Only God has that answer and it is safely held in his hand awaiting for the day that he will birth it into existence.

Once we do meet that potential person, then we face another myriad of questions. How long should we date before we talk about marriage? When should he/she meet the parents? When should we kiss? There is no cookie cutter way to answer these. Every relationship will provide a different answer to these questions. I’ve known several couples who waited to experience their first kiss at the wedding alter. That’s a very noble aspiration and I personally wouldn’t mind if it happened that way for me. BUT, if it doesn’t, that doesn’t mean I failed in any sense. It just means that my story was different. We should allow God to design our story in HIS most creative and beautiful ways. I don’t want a carbon copy story. Do you?

So here are few “Do’s and Don’ts” to guide you and to allow God to create your own, unique story to finding your mate:

1) Don’t let your friends make all the decisions for you. It’s YOUR relationship.

Our sweet, helpful friends are always more than happy to advise us how to attract someone, how to answer texts, how to handle situations and so on. I’m not knocking godly counsel, in fact I think it is wise, but just because your friend Susie ignored Harry for the first month doesn’t mean that will work for YOU! Don’t cave into the pressure to do it the way your friend thinks you should. If you feel their words are undermining what God is speaking to you, it is okay not to follow them.

2) Don’t listen to people who aren’t listening to God.

As I said before, godly counsel is wise. But godly counsel only comes from people who are spending time with God. Someone who is worldly in thought, or leads a carnal lifestyle is almost certain to lead you astray. Just look at the fruit. What kind of relationship or marriage are they in? Are they prayerful about their own relationship? Is it successful? Respectful? Or, are they just the blind leading the blind.

3) Don’t let your self-talk, or anyone else convince you that there is something wrong with you.

There is nothing wrong with you! You are not too old, too shy, too short or too anything! Don’t worry that you didn’t show enough interest, or showed too much interest, or talked too much or said the wrong thing. Let me let you in on a little secret: When God is in it, no-one can stop it. Not even you! When his grace is in it, your mistakes are covered and your shortcomings aren’t even a factor. When you’re the one, you’re the ONE!

4) DO pray about it…and with specifics.

How will you know when the right person comes along? You will recognize them because you prayed specifically. God does not take pleasure in you wondering around aimlessly, not knowing what you’re looking for. He loves specifics! That’s why he told the Israelites all the specifics about the Promised Land. He told them it would be filled with produce beyond their imagination. So when the twelve spies brought back a cluster of grapes so large it took two men to carry it, you know what everyone was thinking? Yep! This is the Promised Land!

5) DO allow God creative license.

Sarah was barren when she had Isaac. Joseph was in prison before he became the Prime Minister of Egypt. David was only a shepherd boy when he was anointed to be the future King of Israel. I hope you see a pattern here. God doesn’t design his “God stories” to follow the path of logic. In fact, if there is one thing that’s certain; our minds cannot conceive or comprehend the amazing things God can bring out of a situation. What looks dead or barren now, can suddenly spring up with life as a fountain in the desert. Don’t keep God in that little box you call your “mind.” Let him out and invite him to make your story awesomely crazy, unpredictable, and wonderful!

6) DO allow God to be the originator and builder of your relationship.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 127:1 “Unless the LORD builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted.” We want a relationship that originates with God. We want HIM to lay the foundation and HIM do to the building. That is the kind of house that will withstand the storms of life. Whatever does not issue from waiting upon God, from depending on the Holy Spirit is unquestionably of the flesh. Whatever we do without trusting, seeking and waiting will be done in the flesh. So take time to pray and wait and don’t make a move unless you feel peace about it.

We’ve all heard the statement: “Be an original, don’t die a carbon copy.” Let’s strive for the same thing with our love story. Some day when our grandkids ask us how we met our beloved, our story should be filled with twists, turns, surprises and miracles. It should show that although we didn’t always understand what was coming next, God did! God led, God built, and God blessed our journey and his creative hand was the prevailing factor in it. An exciting journey awaits you – your own, unique love story. Don’t let anyone else rewrite it for you.

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