Where all the men at…? – Christian Dating Questions – Recently a friend posted some dating questions to her Facebook followers. She started with “I have about 20 godly, amazing, beautiful Christian single ladies and none of them are being approached by any godly men to get to know them. None. I hear crickets.”
Normally I don’t get involved in answering these posts because I am just one answer to thousands of opinions. However, the author, a solid Christian woman truly seeking to understand, called me out. I was like, “no you didn’t,” said in my little sister’s Philly accent. So, I jumped in the pool of comments.
As I mention in most posts (this is for those who are reading my posts for the first time) I am not a perfect man nor do I hold myself out as some authority to singles. I’m just a single guy trying to figure it out like everyone else.
I do however, have experience in making bad choices that ultimately lead to future good actions. Yes, I’m the guy that was probably behind you in traffic pointing fingers, or the Christian who says one thing, but then when under pressure backed down in fear of tarnishing the reputation of not standing for anything. So again, I give you that picture so that you don’t look to any man or woman as having the answers, but to scripture. In my opinion we are all working through our hypocritical ways as we are all still sinners.
So here we go…
Question – Christian Dating Questions
I have about 20 godly, amazing, beautiful Christian single ladies and none of them are being approached by any godly men to get to know them. None. I hear crickets.
They all vary in ages, sizes, incomes, some have kids, some don’t, some have been married, and some haven’t. Some of these women have waited and prayed for years. They want God’s will, they don’t want to date as the world does, and they want to be faithful and glorify God and further His kingdom.
I talked to a girlfriend today and these questions came up. Are they doing anything wrong? Do they keep waiting on God? Is it not God’s timing for all 20? Or is there something going on in the spirit realm with this?
There are godly men out there but they are not asking anyone out. What’s the hold up? There aren’t enough men to fill the orders.
Are these women to keep being hopeful or should they put this area of life on the shelf until further notice? Back and forth for months on end around the same mountain. I don’t know what to tell some of them.
It also reminds me of the scriptures that talk about how there will be several women after 1 man in the end times.
I watched this video and we may never understand all of the “whys” but I think I’m trying to get clarity on “what” should these women do?
Answer – Christian Dating Questions
A: As a guy, I have learned over the years that we tend to be a bit freer with our words (direct feedback from our lady friends) without being mindful of the impact. So I hope you all will have some grace while I try to articulate an answer to a very hard question that has not been edited. This will be long but I hope it provides encouragement.
Regardless of where you are in your singleness, God created you beautiful, powerful, and amazing. He created you that way BUT you have to choose it, believe it, and grow in it. It doesn’t happen without effort. It’s the way the God set the world in motion. Everything grows or dies. Our own minds can create growth (life) or death.
Almost always the issue isn’t what others are or are not doing, but what we should do. For many of us, glorifying God, is in the waiting. So let’s talk first about waiting and put it in perspective. We will talk years, not months, around the mountains. There is always someone who has waited longer! I have one friend who has been believing God for a mate her whole life, and she is over 50. Never married, godly, successful, and beautiful.
I remember when I first divorced and I observed those who had been divorced for 15 years and still single. I thought, what is wrong with those people? Now, I approach my 15th year single and here is what I can say about waiting.
If we focus on the time, it will frustrate us to no end. We will become bitter, angry, and will lose hope. I observe many singles serving God, but do so angry and bitter. God didn’t create our problems or lack of a mate, we did, because of our choices. If at this point the first reaction is to blame someone else for our position, then we aren’t ready. Start Over!
God loves us so much that our eternal character is more important than our temporary happiness. So if we are his, he is not going to give us what we want, but what is needed to feed the eternal character.
If however, we make the focus of this time on preparation for whatever God has, we find great joy in the waiting. Doesn’t mean we won’t have bad days, or days where we observe all the other people appearing to have it all and here we are living the lonely single life.
We have to embrace this time and quit focusing on the perceived handicap and begin appreciating the gift of singleness.
Matthew 5: says in the message: You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. This is where we find every good thing that comes from God. (James 1:17), at the end of us in the embrace of God.
So if you feel like you waited a while, you might put it into perspective and change your mindset to what this time is really about.
Let’s talk about others. My friend spoke of men not asking. I am reminded of The Parable of the Ten Virgins in Matthew 25. You can read it, but let me break it down for you. There were a group of women who were prepared, in the right place at the right time and made themselves available. Then there was a group who weren’t. The prepared group received the blessing.
If we are prepared, choose to be in the right place, and make ourselves available, then it’s up to God to show up on our behalf. Every good thing comes from him. He want us to have good things, but when we are ready.
So how is that lived out?
Serve at church at the front door shacking hands, join a life group, get involved with others and expand the people in your sphere of influence. If all we do is get up, go to work, come home and repeat our sphere of influence is minimal and therefor options our slim.
God knows your address but he is not going to magically have someone show up at your door like the hallmark movies and sweep you off your feet. If you think finding a mate is hard, then real marriage will wear you out. Start over! Make yourself available. Say yes to some good Christian social things where you would say no.
Many Godly men will ask, if they know you are ready and have made yourself available to be asked. (Read Dateable Men and Women )
Let’s talk about the whys! This is the simplest one of all. Some things just require faith that God cares for us, and he will give us what we need when we need it. There is more fear in the perception of what we think we won’t get rather than just trusting by faith that he is a faithful God.
So prepare, put yourself in the right place, and have faith that God has you in mind with an awesome plan.
Now finally, what you probably wanted to hear. Why am I still single? Didn’t start out that way, but because of my personal choices, I pushed the decision off for many years. When I thought I was finally ready, I wasn’t, because I didn’t know how to live daily in peace and joy within my circumstances. You can read my article: https://singlechristianity.com/its-not-you-its-me/ about it.
Today I am content to live single. While I have been on dates, if a person is not going to add to my life, then I choose singleness.
Single men in their 30’s and 40’s have two extreme perspectives. Hook up and get what they can get. Or, build deep lasting friendships that could be something more. It’s the friend you have to live with the rest of your life. I have learned that I would rather have a friend, than ex where we don’t talk anymore.
So there you have it. Let me know what you think below. We would love to hear your questions and comments or any other Christian Dating Questions.