Text Messages and Women – Yesterday the ladies heard from Stacy Hord on texting and relationships and the misconceptions therein. You can read it here .
Today is the guys turn as we walk through Part Two: The Big SEXT Talk.
For guys only! I believe we as men have an opportunity to lead in every area of our lives, including digital communication. Text messaging is a fantastic resource. It allows us to communicate when verbal conversation is not possible. Sitting here at work today, I’ve received a few texts while writing this article. Through texts, I can keep track of my employees, my daughters, my projects, my plans for the evening, and even the sales at my favorite store. But when it comes to the women in our lives, we need to frame the use of text messaging so that we use it to honor and build them up. We have been given this responsibility from God himself. The “boss” says do this. It’s in my best interest to do it.
Text messaging, in essence, is a quick message of general information. We, being guys, spend most of our days asking the women around us to get to the point; summarize it and give us the highlights! Text messaging for us is perfect because it limits the amount of attention we have to apply to any one message. We can choose to answer it now or later. There is no pressure because no one is putting us on the spot for an immediate answer.
I have been asked by many of my female friends, “Why doesn’t he reply promptly to my text messages?” There are many reasons we don’t reply. We’re busy. Duh! Of course, I tell them the truth; the more replies we give, the more questions, the more engagement. That’s great in the beginning when first meeting someone, but once we have a woman, all communication is moderated. Isn’t it? I am sure some ladies are reading this so let me clarify. You talk way too much, about way too many things. “Smiley Face”
That is the reality we all live in as women speak an average of 20,000 words per day and men speak about 7,000. Men communicate on an “as-need” basis. So ladies, call or text your girlfriends to get some of those words out. Would you rather have a relationship with core, focused conversation or thousands of careless words (or nods) that don’t mean anything?
One of my best friends, Melissa, knows this all too well as she married my other best friend Jay. He gets about 200-500 texts, 50+ phone calls, hundreds of emails and letters each day. He is one guy who has been over communicated to all day long. The last thing he wants to do is to answer a text about what to have for dinner. I am sure you can relate. Sometimes there are people close to you that just don’t understand your day and how much energy you have put into it.
But, can I be frank, guys? That’s really your problem. You see its Jay’s job to honor his wife and respond to her in peace and compassion. That’s what leadership is – doing what others fail to do and holding accountable to something more than being selfish or comfortable.
So here is what I recommend as your big “SEXT talk” on how to lead and honor the women in your life through texting.
1. Text messages are not a way to build any real relationship.
The “real” I refer to is one that is long standing and honoring. If the majority of all your communication with a woman is text messaging, the reality is that she is not into you or you are not into her. I am guilty of it. I have also allowed it to be done to me. Twice! Both women lead me on through text. It was the same thing I did for years only to be taught the lesson first hand.
It was painful experience because I chose to play out things in my imagination and not require them in realty. You have to remember that anything outside of face-to-face communication where you can examine the entire expression allows you to build something different in your mind. Let’s face it; it’s why we single, Christian men go through so many two-month semi-relationships. We date a woman for a few months until face time reveals who she really is, which ultimately doesn’t mesh with who we are. You have to get past text messaging as a means of building relationships.
2. Text messages are not a way to inquire of a women’s sexuality.
Most women are not interested in pictures of you without your shirt on or other compromising aspects. Stacy recently told me of a woman who was asked by her suitor, “What are you wearing tonight?” This women replied “The full amour of God.” A cheesy example, but you get the point. A godly woman is not interested in seeing those parts NOW.
Secondarily, sending and receiving explicit texts or photos is disrespectful of who God created you to be as well as the woman you are seeking. How would you feel if it was your daughter, sister, or mother and you found out someone was sending them these types of messages? If you are a Christian man, you have a responsibility to honor the women in your life through service, leadership, and compassion.
Now, to the ladies (who aren’t supposed to be reading this).
No man wants to marry a gaucho-wearing prude. As a formally married man, it’s a huge concern for me. I think every single man’s fear is to marry a woman who is uninterested in sex. We all know friends who are married and barely have sex with their wives because of her rejection. I have heard many men say that it’s better to be single with the option to sin sexually than marry at the cost of adultery. Sex is an incredible gift and the exchanging of romantic and sexual messages is awesome in the right framework.
Now guys, I know many of us have done these things. Some of us have been truly driven by desire. But if you want a real relationship, then choose not to do them. Ladies, if a man is messaging you in these ways, he is not for you. He is only testing “how Christian” you are. Anything that causes you to compromise your Godly principals is not worth the attention you feel you are getting.
3. Text messages are a great way to edify the person you are seeking relationship with.
The first parts of this article have explained the traps that we can fall into with respect to texting women. However, text messaging can also be used to edify her and enforce your Godly leadership. It gives you the option to reach into the quiet places of her life and tell her who God created her to be. You can provide inspiration and insight to how God cherishes women. It also allows you to share your own heart in small tidbits, keeping her interested in finding out more about you. In addition, she can gain huge amounts of respect for you as you demonstrate and enforce spiritual leadership. We as men have an innate desire for respect. The right kind of respect comes from doing the things that aren’t easy. It has taken me many years to get this.
In conclusion, it’s all pretty easy. If you want a real relationship, the way God created us to have, you have to be willing to take the sexual parts on faith and leave TEXT out of it. Text Messages and Women