The other day, I came across a TikTok video from a young woman in China. She explained that many in her country embrace strong government control because they grew up with stories of chaos, instability, and fear. For them, order feels like safety, and structure feels like life. America, on the other hand, was born out of a different story—not escaping chaos, but escaping control.

And I get it. Nobody likes chaos. It’s unsettling, unpredictable, and exhausting, which is why so many religions—and even governments—promise peace by offering strict systems of order. Do these steps. Obey these rules. Follow this authority. Submit to this process. Then you’ll finally be okay.

But here’s the truth: that promise never holds.

Chaos on Vacation

I felt this firsthand a few weeks ago. Kara and I had our first cruise booked in July—a five-year anniversary trip. Like any big trip, there was a process: passports, health checks, online check-in, and signing up for excursions. We followed their rules and their system, trusting that if we did everything right, the trip would go smoothly.

But then the email came: the cruise was delayed. Thousands of passengers, including us, scrambled to extend hotel stays. By the time we checked, prices had skyrocketed five times over. Then came the car rental mess, the extra meals, the endless ripple of expenses.

Still, we held out hope. One day later, another email landed in my inbox: the cruise was cancelled.

That’s when the real chaos began. Hotels were full. Flights were scrambled. People were stressed and angry. And I’ll be honest—I was frustrated too. I wanted the cruise line to fix it all, since they were the cause. But they couldn’t. At the end of the day, Kara and I had to figure out how to deal with our own chaos.

And that’s the point: no system—no cruise line, no government, no religion—can truly shield us from life’s storms. If you pin your hope on them, you’ll end up disappointed.

The Trap of Order

That’s why work-based religions feel so appealing. They promise to tame the chaos with rules and rituals. “Do more. Try harder. Earn peace.” It sounds good, but it ends up being another weight to carry.

The problem isn’t just that systems fail us. The problem is that they can never give us what we’re really looking for. Because what we crave isn’t actually order—it’s peace.

And peace doesn’t come from structure. Peace comes from Jesus.

The Same Trap in Religion

That’s the same trap I wrote about in Are You Good Enough?
We think if we can just stack up enough good works, obey enough rules, or live a clean enough life, then maybe we can settle the chaos inside.

But that’s just another system of order, and it will fail you the same way my cruise line did. It looks like salvation, but it’s really just salvation plus—Jesus plus rituals, Jesus plus works, Jesus plus my own effort.

The problem is: Jesus never said plus. He said Finished.

- “It is finished.” (John 19:30)
- “By grace you have been saved through faith… not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8–9)

The gospel is not a system for managing chaos. It’s the Savior who conquered sin and death, so you don’t have to.

The Lesson of Chaos

Jesus never promised to remove the chaos. He promised to walk with us through it.

- “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
- “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.” (Psalm 23:4)

Maybe that’s the lesson of chaos. It strips away the illusion that we’re in control. Also, it exposes the limits of systems, governments, and religion. It leaves us face-to-face with our need for something deeper—Christ Himself.

Because in the end, peace isn’t found in escaping chaos. It’s found in knowing God is with us in it.

Closing Thought

That’s what I learned standing in a crowded hotel lobby with plans wrecked and expenses piling up. I could blame the cruise line all day long. But the reality was this: if my peace depends on someone else fixing the chaos, I’ll never have it.

The Bible says God is not a God of confusion but of peace. He is a God of order. But not the kind of order we try to manufacture through systems, works, or control. His order starts in the heart.

When we rest in Him, the chaos of life doesn’t magically disappear, but it loses its power to undo us. His Spirit brings a different kind of order—an anchor in the storm, a calm that isn’t tied to circumstances, a peace that goes deeper than control.

That’s also why every other gospel leaves you exhausted. They all promise peace if you do more, try harder, submit deeper. But Christianity is different. It doesn’t say, “Work your way out of chaos.” It says, “Christ worked for you, and His grace is enough.”

And when you rest in that, you find the kind of order no system can give—God’s peace in the middle of life’s storms.

I spent years trying to be.

Trying to check the right boxes. Show up when I was supposed to. Pray more. Cuss less. Serve harder.
Some of that was sincere—don’t get me wrong. But some of it?
It was driven by this gnawing question underneath: Am I really good enough for God?

See, church folks will tell you, “You’re saved by grace.”
But then they quietly add a “but.”

But… you better walk the line.
But… if you really loved Jesus, you’d be doing more.
But… faith without works is dead.

And you start to think grace was just the door, but now the rest of the house depends on you.

So you strive.
You perform.
You serve until you’re exhausted and still feel like maybe you’re not doing enough.

But then you read Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction… But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

And for most of my life, I thought the narrow gate meant: Try harder. Be better. Walk straighter.
But now? After decades of stumbling and learning, falling and returning, I’m starting to see it differently.

I wonder if the narrow gate is actually this: the understanding that Jesus did it all for you—and the willingness to accept that.

That’s the part that’s hard for most people.
Not because it’s confusing, but because it’s humbling.

We want to earn something.
We want to say we had a part in it.
We want to feel like we’re making God proud.

But grace doesn’t let you earn it.
It lets you receive it.
And that kind of surrender? That’s the narrow gate.

Not because God is trying to keep people out, but because most of us can’t bear the thought of walking in empty-handed.

And Then There’s the TikTok “Investment” Gospel

Recently, I saw a preacher on TikTok say, “God made an investment in you, and He expects a return.”

And at first, it sounds bold. Motivational. Even scriptural-sounding.

But think it through.

That’s not grace. That’s performance theology wrapped in investment language.

It turns salvation into a business deal, where God becomes the investor and you become the pressured startup trying not to blow it. And that burden? That pressure to prove you’re worth it? That’s not from Jesus.

The moment you think the cross was God’s way of giving you seed capital—and now He’s checking your quarterly return—you’ve stepped off the narrow road and landed right back on the wide one. The road where you’re trying to earn, validate, and perform your way into good standing.

But grace was never transactional. Grace is a gift.

And it’s received, not earned. Period.

So What About “Faith Without Works Is Dead”?

Yeah, I’ve wrestled with that too.

Church folks love to throw it around like it’s a counterpunch to grace.
As if James and Paul were fighting each other in Scripture.
They weren’t.

What James was saying wasn’t “faith + works = salvation.”
He was saying that real faith produces something.
Not because you’re trying to prove your salvation, but because grace does something to you over time.

It’s like a tree.
The roots go deep—that’s grace.
And over time, fruit shows up. That’s works.

But if there’s no fruit, you’ve got to ask, Was there ever a real root?

That’s not legalism. That’s just reality.
But here’s the part religion often misses:

You don’t work to earn salvation—you work because you already have it.

I’m Not Preaching a Free Pass. I’m Preaching Real Freedom.

The narrow gate should change you.
Not overnight. Not all at once. But over time, yes.

As you grow and realize all that Christ has done for you, you start to see life differently.
You serve differently.
You forgive differently.
You repent not because you’re afraid of hell, but because you actually want to be near God.

That’s the kind of shift grace creates. Not a duty. Desire.

For me, it’s not about earning anything anymore.
I still want to do good. I still want to honor God.
But not to gain something—I already have it.
Now, I live from it.

And if you’ve been striving your whole life…
If some preacher or TikTok theologian has made you question whether you’re “saved enough”…
If you’ve been trapped in the mental game of “faith plus works” and feel like you’ll never measure up…

I’ve got good news for you:
You won’t measure up. And you don’t have to.

That’s what grace is.
That’s why Jesus came.
That’s the narrow gate.

And yeah, the Bible says we should “work out our salvation with fear and trembling.”
But read the next part—"for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." (Phil. 2:12–13)

It’s His work in you that changes you.
You’re not the hero of this story—Jesus is.

Abraham. The Thief. And Belief.

Let’s go back to the simplicity of belief.

Abraham wasn’t made righteous because of what he did.
Scripture says he believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness.

He trusted God. Period.

Same with the thief on the cross.

He had no time to clean up his act. He couldn’t undo his crimes. He wasn’t baptized. He didn’t go through a process.
All he did was look at Jesus and say, "Remember me." And Jesus said, "Today you will be with Me in paradise."

That’s the power of belief.

Not magic. Not works. Just faith in the right Person.

And I’m convinced there will be people in heaven who—by the way they lived—we never would’ve expected to be there.
Not because they had some secret life of holiness, but because at the right time, in the quiet of their soul, they believed.

And belief was enough.

Because belief opens the door to grace.
And grace does the saving.

What I believe is this:

Jesus made it simple to come to Him.
Simple to believe.
Simple to accept.
But He also made it life-changing if you stick around.

That’s the tension.
Not once-saved-always-saved, not works-based fear.
Just honest, daily surrender to the grace that never runs out.

You can rest now.
You’re not good enough.
But Jesus is.

And that's enough.

Some days, singleness feels freeing. Other days, it feels like a battle. You love the independence but long for connection. You enjoy the quiet, but sometimes it feels too quiet. So—what is it, really? A gift? A struggle? A little of both?

If you're caught in the tension between enjoying your singleness and wanting more, you’re not alone. The Bible doesn’t ignore this tension—it speaks directly to it.

Paul Calls Singleness a Gift (And He Meant It)

In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul says, “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” He’s talking about being single. And yes, he calls it a gift.

That can feel confusing, especially when singleness hurts. But here's what Paul understood: singleness opens up space. Space for focus, for ministry, and for growth.

He wasn't saying it’s easy. He was saying it's valuable. And in a world that idolizes romance, that’s a truth we need to hear.

Gifts Don’t Always Feel Good Right Away

Let’s be real. Just because something is a gift doesn’t mean it feels like one. Think about discipline, pruning, or waiting—God calls those things good too.

Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest…”

Singleness might not feel like a gift in the moment. But what if it’s producing something deeper in you? Something you’ll carry into every other season of life—married or not.

Singleness Can Be a Struggle

The Bible never says singleness will be easy. Even Paul acknowledges in 1 Corinthians 7:28, “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”

In other words, no path is trouble-free. Marriage brings its own struggles. Singleness does too.

It’s okay to admit that it’s hard. That you long for connection. That you're tired of walking into events solo or watching everyone else pair off. Those feelings don’t make you weak. They make you human.

Singleness Doesn’t Mean You’re Incomplete

One of the deepest lies the enemy whispers is that you’re somehow less than because you’re single. But Colossians 2:10 says, “In Christ you have been brought to fullness.”

You are not a half waiting for a whole. You’re not missing your better half. You are already whole in Christ.

A relationship may enhance your life, but it doesn't complete you. Only God can do that.

Embrace the Tension

Maybe the best way to live this out is to stop trying to define singleness as just one thing. It’s not only a gift. It’s not only a struggle. It can be both.

And that’s okay.

You can thank God for the freedom while still praying for connection. Also, You can enjoy the present and still hope for what’s ahead. You can grieve unmet expectations and still find joy in today.

Romans 12:12 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” That’s the posture of a heart fully alive in God—even in singleness.

Singleness might feel like a puzzle some days. But in God’s hands, every piece has purpose. Every season has value. Whether it feels like a gift or a struggle today—God is using it to shape you into who you're becoming.

Want to go deeper into how to walk this out with faith and honesty? Check out Single Man Walking Through Divorce, coming Fall 2025. It’s a raw, biblical look at finding your way through heartbreak, healing, and hope.

➡ Visit: https://singlemanwalking.com
➡ Join the community: https://www.facebook.com/singlemanwalking/

You’re not falling behind. You’re right on time in God’s plan.

Dear Single Moms,

We are quickly approaching one of the most celebrated days of the year, Mother’s Day. We owe a great deal of love to our moms, so thank you so much, Moms! Happy Mother’s Day!

Encouragement from the Son of a Single Mom!

Recently I wrote of my Mom’s awesomeness in the article If I Don’t See You Here, I’ll see you in Heaven. Something I don’t touch on in that article is how, for most of her parental life, she raised four children alone. So today, I wanted to give a shout-out and some encouragement to moms that are doing it alone.

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to provide some encouragement to a mom who was raising a young boy on her own. Her concern was that he needed a male influence in his life. While studies do show having a father figure involved in a child’s life is so important, some only have the option of a heavenly one. In our conversation, I gleaned that the latter was her case. Thus, she was concerned that she had passed up on some Godly men who might have made excellent fathers for her children. A consistent theme I hear from parents is the fear that they aren’t enough, or they are making too many mistakes that will have a lasting effect on their children and their future. This Mom’s comment to me was, “What if I really blow it?”

I was like, “girl… (in my North Carolina accent, which I break out for special occasions) you don’t need to worry about all that. I can speak directly to this and tell you what I saw God do on my Mom’s behalf for me.” But before I finish that story, let me give you a little background on mine.

The Background

While my father and mother never divorced, they lived apart in two different states. Dad did his best to provide financial support over the years but was relatively absent from my childhood, teen, and adult life.

As I entered my teens, we were homeless for a time. I recall sleeping in the car, at the campgrounds, or at random houses until we finally settled in a little home. I know this grieved my Mom, and she felt like she failed us. However, during this time, God had opened up a door for me to go to a private Christian school based out of a global television ministry. Visitors to the campus included world leaders and well-loved ministers like Billy Graham. So, as I matured as a teen, I did it with resources all around me, that only God could have provided.

So, as I was speaking with this Mom, an exciting realization came in the way of encouragement. I said, “God has given you and your son everything you need, and when he needs something more, it will show up.” After hearing myself, I realized what God had done on my behalf through my Mom’s prayers.

A Praying Mother

First, Mom was a praying woman. She may have ruined my new white shirt in the laundry (it came out pink, and yes, 14-year old me wore it), but that woman could pray. I recall that whenever I needed wisdom or direction that only a man could speak to, God would place Godly men in my path to provide that wisdom and nudge me in the right direction. From choosing jobs, college, or other significant decisions these wise men would always follow some star in the sky, and boom, I had what I needed.

Doors would open wide or shut tightly. God put in my Mom what she needed to raise me, then brought others alongside at different stages of life when needed. She never had to search for men to mentor me, God did it. Its why being involved in the local church is so essential for you and your children. But I digress.

Observing my Mom’s prayers and then seeing them answered, is one of the ways I learned to look to God as my father, rather than any one person. Do you know how powerful that is? Mom showed up with five loaves and two fish (Matthew 14:13-21), and God multiplied it over and over again. Don’t forsake the power that God has placed in your hand and heart for your children. Through your prayers, God goes to places with your children you may never see or know about. On the surface, it may look like a failure, but in many cases, God is working in the areas we can’t see.

Everyone is always looking for the secret recipe in these things. So here is what I observed my Mom do, and you are reading the results:

1. Pray Protection Over Them.

I can’t tell you how powerful this was a child to an adult. Hearing mom pray this over me, gave me confidence in God. I just assumed God protected me, and there was no question in my mind that he would, and he did and will.

2. Pray Favor Over Them.

There is something special each time she would pray this over me. I would walk into places with favor. I have always had favor wherever I went. Today, I pray this over my children. She would often pray, “Oh God give him favor with you and men in high places.”

3. Pray Blessing Over Them.

Your kids may think you are crazy for doing this and roll their eyes as I did, but they will remember and use it. She would pray Deuteronomy 28. Some of my favorite parts I would recall her saying: “3You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. 6You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.” Time and again, I received those things, and God’s blessing has followed me.

4. Pray Joy and Peace Over Them.

One evening I was talking with my sister, and she reminded me how Mom exhumed so much peace and joy as she was serving Christ. While Mom leaned more toward praying for peace, she never really prayed joy over me. However, what I learned is that with the peace of God, joy comes as a bonus. I pray them both over my children. In a world where people look for things to fill their lives, Mom looked to Christ to do it. I pray that type of peace and joy over them. “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27 (NLT) I don’t want my children to miss out on this peace and joy!

Mom’s, I remember hearing her loud cries and calls out to God for so many things for her children. As a son, I said, “yes, God, do it!” It was a model of prayer that blessed me as a son, and I have used it as a father. Don’t miss out on doing this for your children, as generations will remember your faithfulness.

May I reiterate what I said above?

Single Mom’s, God has put in you all that you need to help your children grow and live beautiful lives. He multiplies what you have and makes it last like the five loaves and two fish in Matthew 14:13-21. When something more is needed, it will show up. When you can’t be there, or you feel like a failure, he fills the gap and goes where you can’t. It’s that type of faith that prayer ignites and is what I observed.

I have met many people in my life, but the strength and faith I see in single moms who are pressing into God are unparalleled. The level of confidence and trust in God just to make it through one day is amazing to observe. I had a front-row seat for many years. Many things in the Christian walk only happen when we start to move. I want to encourage you to move toward prayer over your children and watch how God will use what you have and give your children what they need. All for his glory and his love of you and your children.  Happy Mother’s Day…

When you’re walking through life alone—especially after a breakup or divorce—gratitude might feel like the last thing on your mind.

It can feel fake. Forced. Like something reserved for people who already have what you’re still praying for.

But here’s what I’ve learned: gratitude doesn’t ignore the pain. It transforms it. It doesn’t erase your longing—it gives you strength in the middle of it.

If you’re single and walking alone, thankfulness might just become your greatest weapon.

Gratitude Isn’t a Feeling—It’s a Decision

You don’t have to feel grateful to choose gratitude. Psalm 100:4 says, “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.”

That isn’t just a song lyric. It’s a key. Gratitude is how we enter God’s presence. It opens the door to hope again.

And it starts small:
“God, thank You for this breath.”
“Thank You that I woke up today.”
“Thank You that You haven’t given up on me.”

You don’t have to list a hundred things. Just start with one.

Gratitude Shifts the Atmosphere

When you’re lonely, your thoughts can spiral fast. You start rehearsing everything that went wrong. Everyone who left. Every prayer that didn’t get answered your way.

Gratitude stops that spiral. It redirects your focus.

Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Did you catch that? With thanksgiving. Gratitude is what changes the tone of our prayers. It doesn’t mean we stop asking—it just means we start trusting.

Gratitude Doesn’t Cancel Grief

You can be grateful and still grieve. You can thank God and still feel the sting of what you lost. Both can live in the same heart.

Jesus showed us that. In John 11, when His friend Lazarus died, Jesus wept. But before raising him from the dead, Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank You…” (John 11:41).

Jesus modeled what it looks like to hurt and still be thankful.

So if your heart is heavy, don’t fake it. Just be real. Gratitude isn’t pretending you’re fine—it’s declaring that God is still good, even when you’re not fine yet.

Thankfulness Grows Trust

When you begin to name the good things—even the small ones—it rewires your heart to trust again.

You remember that God has come through before. That He is still working. That He will keep His promises.

Psalm 9:1 says, “I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of Your wonderful deeds.”

Recounting what He’s done reminds your heart of what He can do.

Gratitude Changes How You Walk Alone

When you’re walking through singleness with a thankful heart, you stop seeing your life as something to endure and start seeing it as something to live.

You stop asking, “When will this end?” and start asking, “What is God doing in me right now?”

You begin to recognize the beauty of uninterrupted time with Him.
You start seeing your independence as a gift, not a burden.
You realize that being alone isn’t the same as being abandoned.

If you’re walking alone right now, you don’t have to wait for everything to get better to start being thankful. Gratitude doesn’t erase your pain, but it gives you strength to keep going.

And the best part? You’re not walking alone—God walks with you.

If this resonates with where you are, check out Single Man Walking Through Divorce, coming Summer 2025. It’s an honest, biblical guide for anyone trying to heal, rebuild, and live fully again.

➡ Discover more: https://singlemanwalking.com
➡ Join the community: https://www.facebook.com/singlemanwalking/

Gratitude won’t change everything overnight. But it might just change you. And that’s where healing begins.