A Glimmer of Light for Those Who Suffer From Depression – When God wanted to teach me about his power to change things, I thought he was referring to my situations. I always thought if my situation changed, then I would be happier and my life would be good. But I never fully understood God’s amazing power to change things until he allowed me to go through a deep, severe depression.
Those who struggle with depression know that the darkness of depression is so deep you can’t see light, even in the happiest situations. Depression blocks the light. It perverts your thinking so that you think about death instead of life, prefer sleeping to living, choose solitude instead of fellowship. You give up on people because you realize that they are powerless to help you, even though they try so hard. Depression forces you to realize that if God doesn’t heal you, you won’t be healed.
I had been living in a state of depression for about three years when one night, while lying in bed, a rare thing happened; my focus shifted off myself and onto Jesus. I wondered about him, what he is really like. So I asked him to tell me something about himself. Then to my surprise, I heard the words; “I am the dawn.” The dawn? The dawn of what? I still thought he was referring to my situation…but I soon learned that he was referring to the dawn in my soul.
In the midst of my darkness, he put a tiny light in my soul. It was so small, so faint, just like when you see the very first hints of dawn. “The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day.” (Proverbs 4:18) I kept watching that first gleam, eagerly looking for the first signs of light. My darkness wasn’t lifted yet, but I had something to look for. Just as the night watchmen look for the dawn, I kept watching.
Since I knew that Jesus IS the dawn, I kept looking to him, searching more about him, his generosity, his kindness. Jesus is the light and without that light there is no hope. I stopped focusing on myself and focused on the beauty and mystery of Jesus. I envisioned him on the cross, I saw him as that innocent lamb – slain for me. Then I saw him on his throne, seated by the father, making intercession for me. Cheering me on, being my greatest advocate and friend. Smiling at me, walking with me, teaching me about joy and his love for me. Every scripture I read, I could see the character of Jesus shining through. Jesus was in everything.
Days and months went by and I noticed the dawn was getting brighter and the darkness was slowly lifting. That’s when I realized what God was doing – he was making me look to Jesus to bring light into my soul, not my situations. I had been looking for dawn to happen on the outside, while God was teaching me that dawn happens on the inside.
Then I truly understood; Jesus IS the dawn – the only dawn. “Who is this, arising like the dawn, as fair as the moon, as bright as the sun, as majestic as an army with billowing banners?” (Song of Solomon 6:10.) It’s Jesus!
Jesus brought me out of my depression. And like the Israelites came out of Egypt with riches, I came out of the land of my affliction with great riches in my heart. For I truly see the beauty of life through Jesus now. I walk in the full light of HIS day now. That day is gloriously bright! So bright, that sometimes I’m overcome by the joy of it. I’ve never known such brightness that doesn’t bow down to circumstances! He is my light and salvation. (Psalm 27:1)
And the most beautiful thing of all; it doesn’t matter what my circumstances are, I have light in my soul. I don’t live in a grand house, I live in a tiny apartment, and I’ve never been happier! I don’t have a husband, but I’ve never felt more loved by God and others. I don’t have a prestigious job, in fact, I’m kinda on the low end – a servant to others. But I’ve never felt more successful. My light comes from within, not what I see with my eyes and through my circumstances. And I take this light with me everywhere I go and into every circumstance, because I’m fully persuaded that Jesus is on my side no matter what!
If you suffer from depression, look for the dawn of Jesus and keep watching for it. He shall come! His light will grow brighter and brighter in your heart until it is full light of day. Don’t you believe for one second that your “day” isn’t coming! God may allow us to go through affliction but he never intends to leave us there. His goodness is like a rope sent down to pull you out of the pit. Grab on to that goodness and hang on for dear life! He will pull you out.